Working with Childcare Providers to Support Potty Training

Potty training—also called toilet learning—is a major developmental step.

It involves more than learning where to urinate or have a bowel movement. A child also needs to practice:

• Recognizing body signals
• Pausing play
• Reaching the bathroom
• Managing clothing
• Sitting safely
• Wiping
• Flushing
• Washing hands
• Communicating needs
• Recovering from accidents

Children develop these skills on different timelines.

Some children show interest early. Others are not ready until later. Some learn urination before bowel movements. Some succeed at home but struggle in child care, or the reverse.

The most effective approach is usually:

• Developmentally appropriate
• Positive
• Predictable
• Consistent across settings
• Flexible enough for the individual child

Readiness Matters More Than a Deadline

A fixed age is not the best indicator of readiness.

Possible signs include:

• Staying dry for longer periods
• Showing awareness of a wet or soiled diaper
• Hiding to have a bowel movement
• Showing interest in the toilet
• Imitating adults or siblings
• Following simple directions
• Walking to the bathroom
• Sitting briefly
• Helping pull clothing up or down
• Using words, signs, pictures, or gestures for toileting
• Having somewhat predictable bowel movements

A child does not need to show every sign before beginning.

Readiness should be considered in context. A child may understand the process but need help because of motor delay, language delay, autism, sensory differences, constipation, fear, trauma, or a medical condition.

Ask About the Program’s Policy

Child care programs may have written policies involving:

• When toilet learning begins
• Bathroom access
• Potty chairs or toilet-seat inserts
• Training pants and diapers
• Required clothing and spare clothes
• Hygiene and sanitation
• Accidents and soiled clothing
• Staff assistance and privacy
• Parent communication
• Preschool enrollment requirements

Ask for the policy before beginning.

A provider may have legitimate sanitation, staffing, and licensing constraints. However, policies should not shame children or ignore disability-related needs.

Create a Shared Plan

Parents and caregivers should agree on:

• Words for urine and bowel movements
• Toilet or potty equipment
• When the child will be invited to try
• How long the child will sit
• Whether training pants or underwear will be used
• How accidents will be handled
• What encouragement will be used
• How progress will be recorded
• When the plan will be reviewed

The plan does not need to be identical in every detail. Home and child care environments are different. The goal is enough consistency that the child understands the overall routine.

Use the Same Basic Language

Choose simple words the child can understand and use, such as:

• Potty
• Toilet
• Pee
• Poop
• Dry
• Wet
• Underwear
• Wipe
• Flush
• Wash hands

Avoid language that suggests bodily functions are dirty, bad, disgusting, shameful, or babyish.

Neutral language helps children feel safe asking for help.

Establish Predictable Toilet Opportunities

Caregivers may offer toilet opportunities:

• After waking
• After meals
• Before outdoor play
• Before nap
• After nap
• Before leaving
• When the child shows cues

Avoid forcing a child to sit for long periods.

A brief, calm invitation is usually better:

It is potty time. You can try, then we will wash hands and play.

Children should also be able to request the bathroom outside the schedule.

Watch for Individual Cues

A child may signal the need to go by:

• Squirming
• Holding the genital area
• Crossing legs
• Becoming still
• Hiding
• Rocking
• Making a particular face
• Stopping play
• Asking for privacy
• Repeating a word
• Becoming irritable

Share these cues with the provider. The caregiver may notice patterns that are not obvious at home.

Keep Toilet Sits Brief and Calm

Sitting too long can create resistance.

Try:

• A few minutes
• One short song
• One small book
• A visual timer
• Calm conversation

The child should have:

• Feet supported
• Stable seating
• Safe posture
• Privacy appropriate for age
• Adult help as needed

A footstool can improve comfort and help bowel movements by supporting the feet.

Potty Chair or Toilet Insert

Either can work.

A potty chair is child-sized, allows the feet to reach the floor, and may feel less intimidating. A toilet insert uses the regular toilet, requires less cleanup, and may be easier to maintain in group care.

The provider may not permit potty chairs because of sanitation or space requirements.

If home and child care use different equipment, explain the difference to the child.

Dress for Independence

Choose clothing the child can manage quickly.

Helpful options include:

• Elastic-waist pants
• Loose shorts
• Simple leggings
• Easy skirts
• Underwear without complicated fasteners

Avoid during active toilet learning:

• Overalls
• Belts
• Suspenders
• Tight jeans
• Bodysuits
• Complicated buttons
• One-piece outfits

A child may recognize the urge but still have an accident while struggling with clothing.

Send Enough Spare Clothing

Child care may request:

• Several pairs of underwear
• Pants
• Socks
• Shirt
• Shoes
• Training pants
• Wet bag or labeled plastic bag

Label everything and send more than one change. A child may have several accidents in a day, especially during the first weeks.

Underwear, Training Pants, or Diapers

There is no single method that works for every child or program.

Underwear may help a child feel wetness and practice clothing skills, but it creates more cleanup. Disposable training pants can reduce mess, though some children may use them like diapers. Cloth training pants may provide more sensation while containing some leakage.

Diapers may still be needed for:

• Sleep
• Long travel
• Medical needs
• Early learning stages
• Provider policy
• Bowel-movement challenges

Discuss when each item will be used. Avoid changing the plan every day based on one accident.

Accidents Are Part of Learning

An accident should be handled calmly.

A helpful response is:

Your pants are wet. Let’s get cleaned up and try again next time.

Avoid:

• Scolding
• Punishment
• Forced sitting
• Public embarrassment
• Comparing children
• Calling the child lazy
• Withholding activities
• Making the child clean alone
• Discussing accidents in front of peers

Children can help in age-appropriate ways, such as carrying clean clothes, putting wet clothes in a bag, pulling pants up, and washing hands. The adult remains responsible for safe cleanup.

Positive Encouragement

Useful encouragement includes:

• You noticed your body.
• You told me you needed the toilet.
• You pulled your pants down.
• You tried.
• You remembered to wash your hands.

Praise effort and body awareness rather than treating toileting as a performance.

Some families use stickers, small charts, songs, high-fives, or extra story time. Rewards should be simple, predictable, short term, and easy to use in both settings.

A child should not lose earned rewards because of an accident.

Avoid Food Rewards

Using candy or treats may increase pressure, conflict with provider policies, create allergy concerns, or shift attention away from body cues.

Nonfood encouragement is generally easier to coordinate.

Communicate Between Home and Child Care

Parents should share:

• Time of last bowel movement
• Constipation
• New medication
• Illness
• Sleep changes
• Fear of the toilet
• Successes and accidents
• Family stress
• Regression
• New words or signs

The provider may report:

• Toilet attempts
• Urination
• Bowel movements
• Accidents
• Refusal
• Holding
• Pain
• Handwashing
• Clothing needs

Keep communication brief and factual. A simple daily log may help.

Track Patterns Without Obsessing

A short record can identify:

• Usual urination times
• Bowel-movement schedule
• Dry periods
• Accident triggers
• Withholding
• Constipation
• Fear
• Differences between home and child care

Do not make the child feel constantly watched. The purpose is to improve timing and identify concerns.

Constipation Can Disrupt Toilet Learning

Constipation is a common reason children:

• Refuse the toilet
• Hide to poop
• Withhold stool
• Have painful bowel movements
• Develop stool accidents
• Regress

Possible signs include:

• Hard stools
• Pain
• Very large stools
• Infrequent bowel movements
• Abdominal pain
• Stool streaks in underwear
• Avoiding the toilet
• Standing stiffly
• Crossing legs
• Hiding

Parents should contact the child’s pediatrician when constipation is suspected.

Do not treat persistent constipation only as a behavior problem.

Stool Withholding

A child may withhold because of pain, fear, an unfamiliar toilet, loud flushing, pressure, sensory discomfort, or a previous painful bowel movement.

Withholding can worsen constipation.

Helpful steps may include:

• Medical guidance
• Foot support
• Short calm sits
• Privacy
• Familiar language
• Reduced pressure
• Consistent routines
• A treatment plan followed in both settings

Urine Withholding

A child may avoid urinating at child care because of:

• An unfamiliar bathroom
• Fear of flushing
• Busy routines
• Lack of privacy
• Difficulty asking
• Sensory discomfort
• Previous painful urination

Watch for long dry periods, urgency, pain, dribbling, strong-smelling urine, or fever. Contact the pediatrician for pain, fever, persistent withholding, or other concerning symptoms.

Nighttime Dryness Is Different

Daytime toileting and nighttime dryness are separate developmental processes.

A child may use the toilet successfully during the day and still need a diaper, training pants, waterproof bedding, or nighttime support.

Nighttime wetting should not be treated as failure.

Nap Time

The child may stay dry during play but wet during naps.

Discuss:

• Training pants during nap
• Bathroom attempt before sleep
• Clothing and bedding
• Provider policy
• Safe-sleep requirements

Avoid withholding fluids solely to prevent nap accidents. Children need appropriate hydration.

Hydration

Children should have regular access to water.

Restricting fluids can contribute to dehydration, constipation, concentrated urine, discomfort, and urinary problems.

Instead of reducing fluids, offer predictable bathroom opportunities.

Handwashing

Toilet learning includes hygiene.

Children should wash hands after using the toilet, after an accident, after helping with clothing, and after touching a potty chair.

Teach:

1. Wet hands
2. Apply soap
3. Rub all surfaces
4. Rinse
5. Dry

Young children need supervision and help.

Wiping Skills

Wiping takes time to master.

Children may need help with:

• Toilet paper amount
• Front-to-back wiping
• Cleaning fully
• Avoiding skin irritation
• Handwashing afterward

Providers should follow licensing and privacy rules. Parents should not assume that a child who urinates independently can manage bowel-movement wiping alone.

Privacy and Dignity

Children deserve respectful assistance.

Providers should:

• Use calm language
• Limit exposure
• Follow supervision rules
• Avoid public discussion
• Protect the child from teasing
• Use gloves and sanitation procedures
• Document concerns privately

Children should never be photographed during toileting.

Fear of Automatic Flush Toilets

Automatic toilets can frighten children.

Possible strategies include:

• Covering the sensor temporarily when safe
• Letting the child step away before flushing
• Explaining the sound
• Practicing with an adult
• Using a manual toilet when available
• Providing headphones if appropriate and allowed

Do not force a frightened child to remain beside a loud flush.

Sensory and Communication Differences

Some children may be sensitive to:

• Toilet sound
• Bathroom echo
• Smell
• Cold seats
• Wet clothing
• Hand dryers
• Bright lights
• Touch
• Clothing seams

Possible supports include:

• Quieter bathroom
• Visual schedule
• Seat insert
• Footstool
• Headphones
• Soft clothing
• Extra transition time
• The same caregiver
• Reduced verbal demands

A child may communicate toileting needs through sign language, a picture card, communication device, gesture, object cue, sound, or behavior. Home and child care should use the same signal when possible.

Children With Disabilities

Children with disabilities may need:

• More time
• Adaptive seating
• Grab bars
• Foot support
• Scheduled toileting
• Visual supports
• Occupational therapy guidance
• Physical assistance
• Communication support
• An individual care plan
• Medical input

A disability may affect muscle control, body awareness, mobility, communication, sensory processing, learning, or bowel and bladder function.

The goal is appropriate support, not comparison with peers.

Reasonable Accommodations

Child care programs may have obligations under disability law.

A rigid “fully potty trained by age three” rule may require individualized review when a disability affects toileting.

Families and providers should discuss:

• The child’s needs
• Safety
• Staffing
• Hygiene
• Equipment
• Medical plans
• Reasonable modifications

Providers should seek qualified legal or licensing guidance rather than applying one rule mechanically.

Regression

A child who was using the toilet may begin having accidents after:

• A new sibling
• Moving
• Illness
• Constipation
• Family stress
• Change in caregiver
• New classroom
• Travel
• Sleep disruption
• Trauma
• Pressure

Respond with calm, routine, reduced pressure, extra connection, and medical review when needed.

Do not say:

• You know better.
• You are acting like a baby.
• You did this on purpose.

Starting Child Care During Toilet Learning

A new child care setting may temporarily disrupt progress.

Before the start date:

• Visit the bathroom
• Show the child the toilet
• Meet the caregiver
• Practice the words or signal
• Pack spare clothes
• Share the child’s schedule
• Explain fears
• Confirm the policy

Expect some accidents. The child is managing two major changes at once.

Moving to a New Classroom

A classroom transition may involve a different bathroom, toilet size, teacher, schedule, level of independence, or number of reminders.

Ask for a transition plan. The new teacher should receive the current routine, communication method, constipation history, supports, clothing needs, and progress.

Preschool Entry Requirements

Some programs state that children must be toilet independent before entering a certain classroom.

Ask what that means. It may refer to:

• No diapers
• Ability to request the toilet
• Clothing independence
• No staff wiping
• Rare accidents
• No training pants

Clarify how accidents are handled, whether reminders are given, whether disability accommodations are available, and whether the rule is licensing-based or a program preference.

Do not wait until enrollment week to ask.

Do Not Rush for Enrollment

Pressure tied to a deadline can create anxiety, withholding, constipation, power struggles, shame, and regression.

If the child is not ready:

• Discuss other classroom options
• Ask about temporary supports
• Seek pediatric guidance
• Review disability accommodations
• Consider another provider if necessary

A placement deadline does not change a child’s development overnight.

Signs the Child May Need a Break

Consider reducing pressure when the child:

• Cries at every attempt
• Withholds stool
• Becomes constipated
• Hides in fear
• Refuses all bathrooms
• Has escalating power struggles
• Shows no readiness
• Experiences major life stress

A break may involve returning to diapers or training pants, continuing neutral bathroom exposure, treating constipation, waiting several weeks, and trying again gradually.

A pause is not failure.

When to Contact the Pediatrician

Seek medical guidance for:

• Painful urination
• Blood in urine or stool
• Fever
• Severe constipation
• Repeated stool withholding
• Abdominal swelling
• Vomiting
• Sudden major regression
• Excessive thirst
• Frequent urination
• Weight loss
• Persistent stool accidents
• Recurrent urinary infections
• No progress with significant distress
• Concerns about development

A medical issue can look like resistance.

What Providers Should Document

Providers may track:

• Toilet attempts
• Urination
• Bowel movements
• Accidents
• Pain
• Refusal
• Stool withholding
• Clothing changes
• Parent communication
• Skin irritation
• Medical concerns

Documentation should be factual, private, timely, and free of judgment.

For example:

At 10:15 a.m., Sam sat for two minutes and urinated. He washed hands with help.

Avoid:

Sam was stubborn again.

Supplies Parents May Need to Provide

Programs may request:

• Underwear
• Training pants
• Diapers
• Wipes
• Spare pants
• Socks
• Shirt
• Shoes
• Wet bag
• Barrier cream with authorization
• Labeled medication or treatment items

Restock before supplies run out.

A Sample Shared Toilet-Learning Plan

Child’s signal

Says “potty” and points to the bathroom.

Routine times

• Arrival
• Before outdoor play
• Before nap
• After nap
• Before pickup

Equipment

Toilet insert at home; child-sized toilet at care.

Clothing

Elastic-waist pants.

Encouragement

Specific praise; no food reward.

Accidents

Calm cleanup, change clothes, note time.

Communication

Daily note for bowel movement, accidents, pain, or withholding.

Review date

Two weeks after starting.

The plan should be individualized.

Common Mistakes

Avoid:

• Starting only because of age
• Forcing long sits
• Punishing accidents
• Restricting water
• Using shame
• Comparing children
• Ignoring constipation
• Switching methods daily
• Sending difficult clothing
• Failing to pack spare clothes
• Expecting nighttime dryness immediately
• Hiding regression from the provider
• Treating disability-related needs as defiance
• Demanding complete independence too early

Signs of Progress

Progress may include:

• Telling after an accident
• Staying dry longer
• Sitting willingly
• Urinating on the toilet
• Having a bowel movement on the toilet
• Pulling clothing down
• Asking before going
• Washing hands
• Using different bathrooms
• Recovering calmly from accidents

Independence develops in steps. Celebrate the process rather than waiting only for perfect dryness.

Frequently Asked Questions

Related Resources

• Preparing Your Child for Their Transition to a New Childcare Provider
• Helping Children Overcome Daycare Separation Anxiety
• How Childcare Providers Can Accommodate Children with Special Needs
• Childcare for Children on the Autism Spectrum
• The Role of Special Needs Parents in Child Development Programs
• Signs of a Good or Bad Childcare Center
• Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Daycare Provider

Sources

• HealthyChildren.org: Toilet Training
• HealthyChildren.org: The Right Age to Toilet Train
• HealthyChildren.org: Toilet Training Children With Special Needs
• HealthyChildren.org: Constipation
• CDC: Developmental Milestones
• CDC: Handwashing—Clean Hands Save Lives
• ChildCare.gov: Health and Safety Requirements
• U.S. Department of Justice: Commonly Asked Questions About Child Care Centers and the ADA

ChildCareCenter.us is an independent directory and educational resource. Toilet learning, constipation, hygiene, disability accommodations, child care policies, and developmental needs vary by child, provider, and jurisdiction and may change. This article is not medical, developmental, legal, or licensing advice. Consult the child’s pediatrician, provider, licensing agency, and qualified professionals when needed.